Message to children of the nation. "Beware, Christmas is among us"

(above: "Let's face it, right? Getting your parents divorced for Christmas is not THAT bad. You can get as twice as much")

*MATERIALISTIC CHRISTMAS VISION ALERT* (Wonder why I always write it too late...) 

Dear children of the nation:

First of all, I would like to apologise for the delay in writing this messsage. It has been two weeks since Halloween was over. This means that in a well-known supermarket chain whose name starts with a T and ends in an ESCO it is been two weeks since Christmas corridor was set up.

Therefore, children of the nation, it is Christmas. That supermarket chain, as we all know, is never wrong*, you must rely on this kind of companies: they want the best for you.

What does it mean, children of the nation? That means that from now on you must force your parents to go at least to 3 toy shops in order to choose your Christmas presents as soon as possible. In any case, if your parents oppose to this brillant suggestion you then should cry your heart out, shout at your mother and insult your father -tip: you can watch Supernanny episodes for a better performance-.

Then, when you eventually get your deserved prize of going to toy shops because of your reasonableness and your strong and sensible explanations why you wanted to go there, you must sit on Santa Claus' lap. Once you are there, don't ask for silly things such as the end of war or family health and/or happiness. Ask for wacky things such as a camel, a platinum handbag or 51% of shares of a Premiership football club.

Don't worry if you don't get any of those items you claimed for Christmas, don't get angry. Take legal action against both Santa Claus -for misleading advertising- and your parents -for not making you happy for Christmas-. With the money you can obtain from your legal proceedings you can get extra -and better- presents thus making you a happier child in this glorious country where I am staying illegally until I marry somebody national and divorce 2 weeks later.

Children: do it.

The Spanish One 

*It happens the same with Facebook, Microsoft, McDonald's, Coca-Cola and the US Government.

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "I was born in a test tube. For Christmas, I get presents from the donors, the doctor and the couple of part-time beekeepers who adopted me. I am probably the happiest person in the world."