Saturday, 26 December 2009

Demagogy for Dummies

(above: he wanted to keep his identity unknown, but he asked for an anonymising line that matched his -horrible- glasses)

First of all, dear readers: Merry Christmas, you thick!
Since we're really close to a new year and a new decade, I've decided to carry out some changes in my life*. One of those is changing my personality. I don't know, I think that my personality in the nineties (90s) and in the noughties (00s) has been really un-rock-star-ish. That's why my personality during this brand-new decade will be more rock-star-ish, i.e.: more similar to a rock star personality.
To get started I'll write my first rock-star demagogic speech:
'Oi! You [insert your city name here]! You are the most rocking city in [insert your area/country/shire/neighbourhood here]! This war is entirely our fault! We throw those bombs! Mind the environment, you polluters in the Army! Al Gore is God! Microsoft is Evil! Own a wind farm! We are destroying Africa with our pollution! Put large amounts of currency into my NGO's bank account, this will be helpful for this planet somehow! GEORGE-BUSH-BARACK-OBAMA, YOU DON'T MAKE ME GO BANANA!'

Mmmh... I reckon I'll stay with my current personality. Being a rock star is very demanding: setting up NGOs, helping charities, taking drugs, shagging groupies, pub brawls, swearing...

I think I'll forget about being a rock star and start writing and playing some music instead.

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "I used to be in a punk band in the early 80s. It was called Following the Law. Our first single was 'Obey The Rules, It's Worth It'. The first lines were: 'Obey the rules, it's worth it/ Get a job, you lazy youngster!/ Maggie is right, mines should close down!...' Good old times."  

*: Next person who says 'Things change like people' will get some dents on his face.

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Top 5 last sentences in last dates

(above: tip #1: don't show her your 'My Documents' folder during the first date)

5- 'Keep your crotch off here!'. Tip: Don't fix a Twister game in a date.

4- 'My face is up here!'. Before the date let her know you are eye-crossed. 

3- 'Well, I ate a salad and drank one glass of tap water. You ate 3 lobsters, 2 bottles of champagne and caviar with platinum stuffing. Are you sure we should go halves with the bill?' If you already planned this as your second-to-last date you could reach an agreement. 40%-60% would be a great deal.
2- '"I love you, Maria Dolores"? Incidentally, my name is not Maria Dolores but Teresa Maria'. Not many pets are called Maria Dolores, thus is difficult to mend. 

1- 'When you eat ham, is it considered to be cannibalism?' Too subtle. You'd never get that one. 

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "The last sentence I was told in my last date was: 'Why aren't you wearing any clothes from your waist down?'"