Friday, 30 October 2009

Communist Party!

(above: "C'mon comrades! Let's pin the bag with the dollar sign to the industrial bourgeois!")

"m8 im throwin a party n me house, well its not me house, its the state's :P u joinin?iosif"
"alright thn! who lse cummin? xoxo karl"
"tere's u, me n me housem8s vlad fidel mao. they cool!xxx iosif"
"mikhail not cummin? nice 1! fookin hate im... 2 liberalisin! n whats mo tht spot on his head's so ennoyin :) karl"
"omg karl! mikhail got me state computer 2 chek his fb n saw th msg! :( u btter apologise.iosif"
"o shite! so mbarrased...tell im were kmrades 4eva ;) karl"

Eventually, Mikhail didn't show up. He was in charge of the food... gutted. That party's such a FAIL!

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "I went to the conservative party. Was boring. Just cared about economical elites. Good canapes though."

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Reproducing reproductive system (Act 1)

(above: "Who's thick?")

(It was a sunny day. Inside a class a teacher is teaching his pupils a lesson on the reproductive system)

TEACHER: ... this way the baby is born and then you have to bear the boy until he is 35. So, that's all for reproductive system. And now...
PUPIL #1: (to pupil #2) Hey! You scrotum!
PUPIL #2: (to pupil #1) You spermatozoid!
PUPIL #1: (to pupil #2) You Fallopian tube!
PUPIL #2: (to pupil #1) You ovum!
PUPIL #1: (to pupil #2) You vas deferens!
TEACHER: (to both) SHUT UP, YOU C**TS! (Silence) Don't take notes of this!

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "I love alternative theatre".

Top 5 things I have been told because of my odd passport

(above: that's what you call in Latin Anus Horribilis)

The audience is wondering 'Why only 5?'. The answer is pretty easy: I don't want to be sued by David Letterman -mostly now when he is being a bit 'courted' (get the pun? no? then it's my fault)-.

5. "Are you Spanish? Seriously? Your skin is white..."

4. " - Where about in Spain then?
      - Girona?
      - ...
      - Barcelona?
      - ...
      - Lloret de Mar?
      - Awww! I see. Cool.
    - Well, some people think that Catalonia (the region (?) where I live) is not Spain. That comes from centuries ago when...
      - Oi! I got it. Alright? Don't mess with it."

3. "I loooooove paella". You mean you want me to cook you some? Or you wanted to say 'you' instead of 'paella'? If second, there you go my phone number.

2. "How would you say in Spanish 'At what time arrives the train?'". I swear that happened. It was this morning in Cardiff City Centre. It's OK if you ask me for that if you are close to a train station in Spain or in Central and South America, not if you are in a crowded high street and trying to explain you are an ecologist from Friends of the Earth.

1. "HAHAHA! No. Now seriously. Where are you from?"

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "Do you want some leeks?"

Monday, 26 October 2009

I love it and they will as well

(above: "Look Mildred, my arthritis is getting better than yours". "I know we married 70 years ago but I must confess something, Nigel: I'm a man". "Yes, so?")

Usually, elderly people have lived loads of things during his (loooooong) life. Most of those really hard to put up with (e.g.: World Wars, Postwar, Benidorm...). That's why they love being insulted and receive rude feedback to their thoughts. Actually, in continental Europe the vast majority of governments and the EU fund projects to enhance this lack of rudeness to elderly people. But Britain is different indeed.
The main purpose of this post is give some tips to reach this European average.

"Shut up, you rubbish!" when discussing about politics.
"Shut up, you scum!" when discussing about religion.

From this point, your relationship with elderly people just can get better.

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "Shut up, you blogger!"

Sunday, 25 October 2009

about me...

When I set this blog up thought that the best way to introduce me to blogosphere was writing some (un)interesting facts about my relationship between the net and me.
- Somebody tagged me on a photo: turned out it wasn't me but anyway, according to Facebook I went to that party and I had a good time. Facebook CAN'T be wrong.
- I joined "I loved 21st November 1994 because something good happened to me" group (and I still don't regret about doing it).
- I commented on "Leave Britney Alone!" video by writing: "Leave Britney Alone! LOL".
- I poked M**** E**** and M**** E**** poked me back.
- I rated the video with a monkey pissing on his own mouth 5*. I found it hilarious.
- 3 months ago I realised how good Michael Jackson was and I downloaded Thriller and Billie Jean. If you haven't listened to them, you should.

I can't complain about my life. I feel special.

THE WELSH PATIENT says: "I feel special ROTFLMAO".