(above: UTTER FRAUD. these blokes kept impersonating the glorious Mancunians all throughout their career. the one in the bottom right thought he was the reincarnation of Liam Gallagher... keep off the dope, man.)
If we ask the man in the street - or the woman on the roof - about this Nipponese character and her contribution to Western culture, he is bound to answer that she is remarkably the one who made the Plastic Ono Band go down the drain. Though other more well-informed people will tell you the she also breached his husband's musical formation: The Bitless or summat.
I'm afraid that everyone missed the point of that woman. Everyone think that she got on the gravy train when she married musician Jack Lemon and started to use her undeserved fame to start ruining random bands, sadly including her own. Music lovers around the globe thought the Plastic Ono Band had plenty more to give to culture. Nevertheless, this is simply untrue. Mrs. Lemon-Ono was born with the gift of musical proficiency and made the Plastics one of the most successful bands of its age. But the days of Ono's band were coming to an end.
It all started in a massive gig in Milton Keynes (Middleoff***ingnowhereshire, England). She was performing an outstanding act of her best-known hit (a cappella version here). During the 9-minute bass solo, the bassist, whose name can be done without, started to slap the 4 strings with his knob and unfortunately electrocuted himself and passed out for several months. Did I mention it was raining and that enhanced the conductivity between the bass and his knob? Well, it was raining. Naturally, the gig was cancelled for obvious reasons.
After this, zillions of fans were concerned about the future of the Plastic Ono Band. The band couldn't do without the bassist whose name can be done without. For that reason, Yoko was forced to hire a new bassist temporarily. She called for an audition to look for a new bassist. Response was multitudinous. However, every contender was 3 times worse than the previous one.
Eventually, when they were about to throw in the towel and announce the discontinuation of the band, like in an American film, an old lady sneaked in the audition room, picked the 4-string chopper and started slapping it all over the place wickedly. She was left-handed: Yoko and her Medieval mind saw that as an asset to identify the band with Satan and immediately hired her without thinking it twice.
With this new left-handed bassist, the Plastic Ono Band completed a more than successful tour around Anglesey (North-West Wales), selling out every single ticket for each gig. The new bassist was now completely integrated into the band and now they let her make decisions for the band. This was a fatal mistake.
Before a gig at a centre for people with mental diseases in Scarborough, the old lady suggested Yoko to play their top hit with an ukulele instead of an acoustic guitar on the basis that the ukulele would give a more exotic approach to the song. Unfortunately, Yoko acceded. So Yoko went up to the stage with the ukulele attached to her. The cheering audience became silent all of a sudden. Unknowingly, Yoko tuned the first riffs for her top hit. The audience started to boo her loud.
Yoko was confused but then she realised. The ukulele was the instrument used to offend people with mental diseases. An evil laughter came from behind. It was that old lady who played the bass. IT TURNED OUT TO BE PETER MCKENNA, the bassist for the other band she is accused to break up, the Meatles or summit, and who played with his husband.
Local musical press began to slag her band off very harshly and then she quitted.
Yoko Ono is currently very busy being a fraud in the visual arts.
Peter McKenna, proud of his action, still today dresses like an old lady.
*Names have been subtly modified in order not to face sexual action from the solicitors of the people involved*
THE WELSH PATIENT says: "I own a bass; it's called Red Iosif in honour to my moustache hero: Iosif Stalin"