(above: "... and this is how little rhinos are born, my son." "was it utterly necessary to be THIS graphic, dad?" "was it utterly necessary to hide a recording camera inside the trough, my son?")
"I've got a lot of friends in Facebook. I've got fewer acquaintances. And I've got even fewer friends. Therefore being a friend of mine is very exclusive."
This quote, which sounds like a Hindu thinker's or a 8-year-old girl's, is mine. Looks nice, innit? The thing is that you have to be consequent with your own quotes with small improvements each day. This is why, at the end of this post I myself will make being a friend of mine a bit more exclusive.
The other day -usually, when somebody starts an idea like this, is sheer deception- I was talking to a friend of mine -usually, when somebody refers to 'a friend of mine' with any further details, is just himself hiding from a very likely future humiliation- who used to be fatter and taller than usual during our teenagehood and he told me a lot of secrets concerning this traumatising stage of his life. As my purpose in this post is having less friends, I'm going to tell the most shocking quotes he received in a now-usual-in-this-blog-and-copyrighted Top 5 (c) way.
5- 'The bee flew to a flower, it stung the flower and then you were born' (This far from scientifically valid metaphor and Internet made him understand the whole idea).
4- 'You're so tall that when you eat a yogurt and it reaches the stomach it's already gone off' (He told me afterwards: 'The one who said this was so short that he ate my processed food, that is to say, poo made out of rotten yogurt. Not as subtle but at least he doesn't get as many nutrients as I did eating yogurt').
3- 'You're so fat that... YOU FAT COW!' (At this point, you could notice the one who said this was creatively running out of innovative ideas. He now is a successful Hollywood scriptwriter).
2- 'Hey, class! Look at him! He's got boobs!' (Never asked him what exactly was a Physical Education teacher doing inside a changing room full of underage boys).
1- 'Where's your girlfriend? What? You still don't have one. I see. (...) Boy, be honest with me... do you like Village People?' (His mother just wanted to make sure his son is enjoying those drama lessons).
Done. Now being a friend of mine is even more exclusive.
THE WELSH PATIENT: "My most traumatising sentence was when I was 17 with my father in Thailand. He said: 'Son, he is a man'."
m'ha costat, però al final he aconseguit entendre la gran majoria del text...això de no practicar amb l'anglès m'està passant factura. M'ha fet gràcia sobretot quan et referies al guionista de Hollywood.
ReplyDeleteT'escric perquè he vist que m'has deixat un comentari al meu blog. No sé qui ets però veig que tenim alguns amics en comú(no sé si aquests amics són dels que tu dius exclusius). Però en fi, gràcies pel teu comentari.